Sadness in Shiva

 Everything in life is timing and for me it is divine timing. God sends the right people at the right time or people that need my guidance, advice, or positive energy to uplift their spirit and vice versa.

In this case, it was Shiva who was really suffering and I could feel there was something wrong when I met him.  I felt there was definitely some depression and isolation going on…   

As we spent more time together, he became more comfortable and he shared more facts about his life and his reason for not working anymore. Like many people I cross paths with, it starts with dropping some breadcrumbs(small hints, comments, or questions) and then it is all just pours out and his sad spirit overwhelms me.

I was walking out of his house and it was just one question he asked, “Do you ever feel lonely?”  

I said, “Yes sometimes.”  

He said, “Do you feel so lonely that you could die?” “Do you feel like everyone around you has this amazing life and you are missing out on something?” 

It turned into a full blown therapy session as he revealed he is suffered from severe depression-so bad that he didn’t even know a life outside of suffering. For almost 7 years, he had been having issues. He lost his job because he could not focus and he cannot get his license back because he can’t study. He doesn’t seem to know a life outside this darkness and “he can’t find the light.”  

He enjoys dancing and partying with friends, but that is only temporary.  We spoke a lot about routine, consistency, coping skills, friendships, making small goals each day.  I encouraged him to seek resources in the area, finding support groups, places to volunteer to keep busy, and making lists and small goals…minute by minute and day by day…Severe depression is extremely debilitating and people who have not experienced it really have no idea.  

It was so nice that he felt like he could talk to me because he was such a kind, carng soul and I never pressure people to talk… I always let them freely share things with me…and they do…they always do.  

In this scenario, my heart felt so broken hearing him asking me questions like, “Will this get better?” “Will I always feel so miserable?” “Will my family ever stop judging me?”  

Oh the Indian family judgement, I could definitely relate 100 percent and that is something that never ends…the guilt, the looks, the rejection, the facial expressions-the judgement hurts so badly and I could tell that he just wanted his parents to approve of his life. 

Another post or book….The pressure cooker that is an Indian (man or woman’s life)….by parents, society, etc…  

I spent time with him and texting him regularly with resources, checking in with him, and sending motivational quotes. I always hope that my spirit can have that positive influence to motivate, inspire, educate….but when you are up against the beast being depression….It is just an uphill battle that takes consistent therapy, an active daily routine, socialization, positive affirmations, and all kind of work...it is like a fulltime job. It really takes a regular therapist and medication (two things that he did not want to do). But he was open to individual and group therapy after our talks and I found a great support group in his area- he just had to get up and show up-the hardest part when you are suffering and battling depression everyday...it is a living nightmare and I know it.

God bless my friend! Keep shining your light and walk away from the dark.  


Behind every sweet smile, there is a bitter sadness that no one can ever see and feel.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In the Jungle

Going from a city up 2,000 meters to a hill station definitely  does something to the sinuses. I was woken up at 9:30 am by the neighbor with Rasheed on the phone asking if I want breakfast. I think I was literally sleepwalking … I said, “No, I’m fine. Thank you. I went to sleep and woke up at 3pm because my sinuses were so bad Manju came over and he asked if I had eaten anything. I had no phone signal, which was good because I wanted to do a Phone Detox. He gave me the phone and Racheed said, "The neighbor is going to make you some food just give her some money." I was absolutely thrilled because that meant "super homemade food from the source." I took my shower with a bucket and cool water…Something about the bucket showers just hit different… I was about to fall back asleep after my shower and heard kids shouting outside. It was the neighbor walking down the hill to my door with her two kids carrying a big pot of homemade dhal with chapati..heaven! She...
Read more

He said Don't Jump

I was walking down the street from my accommodation, and I hear someone shout, “Hey Pris, Paris.” I knew who that was immediately because he said he wanted to call me Paris. It was my friend Abhi from the festival. I could not figure out where the voice was coming from and I looked up….he was staying 3 houses down from me across the street on top of the bar/restaurant with the famous “fish thali.” He came down the steps and he gave me a handshake. “You are staying here….are you serious? I thought this was my side of town.” He laughed, “Well your place is much better than mine, but here I stay the month for great value.” When I say near, he was just across the street-I couldn’t believe it.   I met someone randomly at a festival who was staying right next to me…in a residential area…near the lake…it was just so random.   I spoke about Abhi in an earlier post-the young boy with the fresh lens on life that had a beautiful curiosity and desire to learn. The mini Priscilla.......
Read more

Rose, I love you!

  As I was walking, there is a bike that appears he says , “ Hello”…   Another guy appears again and says, “Hello.”   I sit here thinking to myself, “Who are all these guys saying “hello.”    Finally, when I see him for the third time I realize it is the same person as he is wearing a blue athletic shirt and jeans ...He was following me on the bike riding very slowly but approaching at different times lol     He sa id , “I love you.” And then I continue to walk away…   He sa id , “Yoga, I see you Gokulam.” Yoga class.   I sa id , “No, I do not do yoga.” He says he is a yoga instructor and I know that he wants to keep talking so he gives me a ride back to his place. We are biking around and he is one of those “shining happy people.” Anything could happen in life and he would always handle it with a smile.    He kept calling me “Rose.”   I did not even bother telling him my name as he was so set on calling me Rose. ...
Read more