Eyes on Road/ Heart on Kids

It was time for me to go stay at the NGO and I was not going to take the bus that far so it was time to call a Ola driver-a driver who was the craziest and funniest person at the same time. He was just 22 years old and he was driving for Ola in hopes of one day making his "American dream" happen.

Usually the drivers have the GPS up on their phone in front of them or they are listening to directions. He was just making his own directions as he went because we had diverted from the route 10 times or so to "Avoid traffic."

In the meantime we stopped for Petrol and he wanted me to treat him to some dosa after that gas stop. If my luggage was not so heavy I would have got out a long time ago. He was asking 100 questions about the US especially income based details and converting dollars to rupees. He said it’s his dream to move to USA where he will have a good life with no tension-I laughed and said “If that is what you think, I will let you continue living that dream.” He said he has a girlfriend … something about 11….

"What? 11 girlfriends."

"Yes I have many girlfriends and I do not want to get married and have kids. I must move to USA and then maybe I get American wife like Pamela."

"Pamela?"

"The beach Pamela."

"What ? The bitch Pamela?"

"Beeech."

"Oh Pamela Anderson from Baywatch."

It is the cutest thing ever finding out what shows Indians or locals know about or watch growing up in their country. Apparently, he got hooked on Baywatch and Pamela Anderson in the red bikini.

Anytime there is silence, he fills it with another question. He is just talking away driving over all the bumps and almost hitting cars. He said, “Don’t worry madam, I am good driver.”  

He was not an innocent Indian I love as he was very tricky taking a longer route, charging me for his gas, and asking for tips.  He would definitely get a tip for the long ride if he offered to help get the luggage in the trunk rather than sit and watch, which is common in India. I guess if women don’t have to pay for a bus seat then men do not have to lift women’s luggage and put it in the car(just a point that is worth debating).  He was very busy on his phone looking at photos of his girlfriend haha.  

We finally make it to the parking lot of the NGO, for the second time, and the owner, my friend Omer, is heading to a meeting and leaving me with the 15 kids. He is very demanding with all kinds of rules and expectations. All of a sudden his mood has changed from very friendly and welcoming to very stressed out and throwing me a rule book on how to care for children....when he knows I have worked with children forever and they love me like no other. I do not recall any of this behavior the last ten times or so I visited......hmmm

I tell him that I need time to get to know the kids and they need to know me. They will first engage in attention seeking behavior and they will act differently of course when he is gone. He runs a tight ship there some kind of dictatorship at times. He clearly loves to be in control and that is evident not just with me, but when some other student volunteers come for a couple hours. I just kept playing with the kids, reading, sports, catching a slug, playing with the ducks, basic English exercises, and finishing up homework.  

It was like the longest day ever. The kids are so cute speaking Kannada and English and calling me “Aka.” There parents pick them up and they say Bye Aka and Bye Papa. They are sweet, playful kids that just love attention, which is clearly lacking in their own homes. The older boys are in charge of the cooking, cleaning, and pretty much everything as my friend, UNCLE(name) does not have any staff to help out and he gives them chores.

The kids are all calling my name and pulling me in 20 different directions. There is one very special boy is Autistic and I wanted to spend some time with him and all the boys-have some fun and relieve them of the constant demands.  Amar tells me to make sure I count them and keep them in order…it is just ridiculous. 

The kids all follow their schedule with singing English songs, Kannada, drawing, having their Gangi juice, prayer before lunch, nap time, play time, and more English. It is unbelievable and miraculous to play classical music and get every child to sleep except one( the sweet girl) who helped to put the babies to sleep and the student volunteer….. 

Her situation was interesting…. She was very shy and quiet and totally non-assertive. She would just sit there and kind of stare off into the distance.  

I asked him, “Why is she so quiet?” He said she used to talk too much so he told her to stop talking….. 

He reminded me of my friend Pete who just would sit in a chair and give people orders all day. Ashan Would do the same exact thing. Tell the kids to be quiet, tell them to pray, tell Raga to get the lunch ready, to clean the dishes- just all kinds of orders allll day long. One of the young girls was literally his mini me. She would shout orders at all the kids and take charge. He loved her and called her “ the daughter he never had….”

That statement was pretty accurate because he trained her to be just like him.  Keep the kids in close quarters, no candy/sugar/treats EVER-only fruits, vegetables, and food cooked by the older boys.  He was very demanding, controlling, and wanting things to be done his way or the highway....this clearly came from his style of leadership and him being very stressed out...

I praised him for being the ultimate server to God staying with this NGO for so many years and dedicating his life, but at the same time I was a Behavior Analyst coming from California who just wanted to say, "Chill out dude."

Everything should be in balance, harmony, and moderation. When you are too strict, kids will rebel and it will not benefit their ultimate happiness in the long run.